Just took my morning after pill in the library
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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