I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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