Already got asked if we're dating
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
