he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
