Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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