at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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