he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
