Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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