I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
