i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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