Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And the cops told us we were all naked.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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