I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
