the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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