careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
