So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
