hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
