Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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