In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
