$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
