Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
