I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
