And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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