Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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