If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
