Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
