i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
