Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize