The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
