How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
