dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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