Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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