At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize