She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
