grandma shit on top of the toilet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
