speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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