quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
