How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
