So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
