I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize