I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
