In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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