pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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