yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize