We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All the doctor said was why
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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