he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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