but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
