i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
