Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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