i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
