What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
