Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize