I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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