I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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