i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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