Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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