come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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