Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
