yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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