Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
