Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
