If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
