Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize