I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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