I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
