note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
