He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize