Someone shit on the floor
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
