Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I still have a little drunk in my system
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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