I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
