and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
